When you are in love with someone then you never think about the stages of a relationship, This is particularly true if the relationship is new and fresh, nor will you give them much thought when you are concentrating on reconciliation after a breakup. However if you understand the stages of a relationship and the interplay between them, it will make you appreciate where you are and the possible outcomes for you.
Being with someone new, as with all the new things we get in life, is exciting so the first stage of a relationship will be full of romance. The first buzz of interest between you, the first date, the first kiss, getting to know each other, it is all heady stuff. Each of you keen to impress the other and both being careful how you treat the other this is the wooing and romance stage, an emotional high for both of you that rarely lasts more than a few weeks or months if it is really special.
This initial stage is also know as the “honeymoon”, when everything is fresh and new. You know all the romantic things like spring is in the air, flowers smell more beautiful, you laugh at each others jokes, you smile more, your new partner is perfect despite their little faults at this stage that is how it really feels. During this stage everything is and should be fun, a new adventure and exciting.
Then reality strikes home and life can get in the way of romance, many couples how are fixated on excitement and romance never get past this stage.
The second stage is often referred to as the “top dog” stage. This is when the freshness of the initial period wears a bit thin this typically happens about six months or so into the relationship, you tend to pick up on your others tiny, now possibly not so tiny, faults. It is also at this stage where life takes over and the relationship your relationship starts to get serious.
By this stage you are both trying to impose your needs onto the relationship, and you are possibly starting to notice that the others needs seem to always come first. If this is true then slow down take a step away from the intensity of the relationship look carefully at your partner’s tiny faults and look to yourself to see if you have them as well.
Understanding and compromise is the way to get through this stage together, couples who get to know and understand each others needs, and make compromises to accommodate the other, have the best chance of surviving this stage. This unfortunately is often the last stage for many couples because instead of compassion and compromise they seek control and try to chance the other person to their needs. This often leads to conflict which is exaggerated by forgetting that you have problems too, talk to each other about your true needs, be understanding of each other and your relationship will make it through this difficult stage
The third of the relationship stages is the consolidation stage, where you both have got the measure of the other, you like what you see, most importantly you accept the other for what they are and cease the desire to make changes in them. I you get this far and you are still in love then you have an amazing relationship – well done, if on the other hand you cannot agree on compromises then this is probably as far as it goes for you both.
The final stage is the contentment and commitment stage you have learnt to appreciate what the other has to offer and they have fully accepted you for what you are. You are both content with each other and are now prepared to commit to each other long term.
It may take a while to reach this point with many couple fluctuating between the later stages of a relationship, but by understanding each stage you will be able to understand what is going on in your relationship
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